Original ExistDifferently.com Weblog of David, a Christian Network and Systems Manager, with topics ranging from Apologetics to Worldview, and some crypto, open source, programming, opinion, and daily life thrown in between.

I’m not tired yet, but I need to go to bed because I need to get up early, there’s things to do tomorrow! Oh well, at least I got to sleep all day today. Until I had to get up to go see the hilarious comedian we had at church tonight (“Joe Kessler”:http://www.northcentral.edu/admissions/staff/kessler.php in case you’re interested. You wouldn’t know he was a comedian from that link, but if you have Adobe Acrobat Reader you can “try this”:http://www.northcentral.edu/admissions/staff/documents/kessler_brochure.pdf).

Anyway, I figured I’d check out some funny stuff online because I already read all my usual blogs and news sites and wanted a bit more humor to finish out the day. And because it’s too late to watch the two-hour season premiere of Alias that I recorded Wednesday night without going to bed too late to get up early (as I found out two days this week that I had to work :-)

So…first thing I google is the phrase “you might be a librarian if” to see if I can find anything interesting along those lines. Only three results (librarians must be too busy cataloging to think up jokes about themselves (at least along the “redneck” joke style), or maybe no one thinks about them often enough to make up jokes about them. I know I didn’t pay much attention to them until I met someone becoming one, but I must say they are interesting people and my personality seems to have many places where it lines up with theirs :-)

So first I found “this”:http://www.agmb.de/medibib-l/1995/0189.html (Somebody reading this might particularly get a kick out of number nine…please keep in mind number five please! Of course that somebody might also have read this before.):

You might be a librarian if:

# You might be a librarian if it often appears that you have wrinkles in your nylons; especially if you don’t wear nylons — and you are a man.
# If you wear socks on the beach you may be a librarian.
# If the cans in your cupboard are arranged alphabetically by the name of the agribusiness responsible for their production, you are very likely a librarian.
# You may be a librarian if you need new glasses and are disappointed to find such a limited selection of horn rims.
# You may be a librarian if you do not think this is funny. You are probably a librarian if you think this is insulting. You are certainly a librarian if you do not see why this is insulting.
# If your Nash has less than 50,000 miles on it, that is one sign you may be a librarian.
# If you are the lowest paid faculty member at a university you are probably a librarian.
# The person assigned to record the minutes is usually a librarian. If two librarians are at a meeting, the other one will be asked to arrange for coffee and cookies. If three librarians are at the meeting, two of them
will be in a run-off election for the coffee-and-cookie job.
# If you go to Ohio on vacation, you may be a librarian.
# Librarians frequently have permanent soup stains on their pocket protectors.
# If you think that a night club is a stick you keep beside your bed to protect yourself from intruders, you may be a librarian.
# You might consider the possibility that you are a librarian if you have a dress you can not wear because the skirt is so short that your legs show above the tops of your tube socks.
# When Walmart puts a plaque of honor with your name on it on the door of their dressing room, you may wonder if you are a librarian.

Copyright (C) 1995 by Millard Johnson
The material above may be freely used provided the following is attached: Librarians are as diverse in appearance, interests, and attitude as any other people. About their only common traits are that they all hold master’s degrees from accredited institutions of higher education and they have a sense of humor that allows them to laugh at the absurdities of the stereotype commonly associated with their profession.

At the second Google page I found, a weirdly formatted page from the a newsletter at the University of Kentucky, repeated a few of the above but also had some interesting quotes. I like these four:

* “I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?”
–unknown
* “Alcoholism is sad, but drunks are funny.”
-Bill Maher
* Michael Guerra, a member of the National Assessment Governing Board, speaking of recent testing results that indicate that students have made little, if any, advances in reading and writing skills since the 1970’s said:
“This report suggests that mediocrity is still common in our schools and excellence is still rare.”
* “It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.”
-unknown

That third Google result returned a 404 Not Found error, but using Google’s Cache feature I was able to figure out that the site the link went to was a page of links, with the search phrase being a link to a website that had been moved “somewhere else”:http://www.lipsticklibrarian.com/. I didn’t spend enough time there to find any humor.

To be more than fair, I did google for “you might be a geek if“:http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&q=%22you+might+be+a+geek+if%22&btnG=Search and “you might be a nerd if“:http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&q=%22you+might+be+a+nerd+if%22&btnG=Search and found plenty of sites to waste quite a bit of time on:

geek:
* “You Might Be A Geek“:http://www.math.vt.edu/people/hoggard/you-might-be-a-geek.html (Six of these apply to me. This site also has a link to a hilarious “joke about biostatisticians and epidemiologists”:http://www.math.vt.edu/people/hoggard/texts/statisticians.)
* Hilarious Geek Culture Quiz (I got a 40 out of 72 on this, updating a few questions to make sense in my context. I esp. like numbers 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (esp), 15, 31 (done), 32 (several), 37 (actually mine’s 24-hour time, not GMT), 39, 41, 42, 46 (yep), 50, 51 (yep!), 52, 60 (actually just after), and 62-67 (yep). I especially like number 7, “…and you *always* put the period outside the quotes, since you’re not quoting the end of the sentence…what the hell do english majors know, anyway.” Of course, this time I was quoting the end of the sentence, but I really can’t bring myself to quote ending punctuation that’s not part of the original quotation. That would be a false and ambiguous quotation! By the way, scroll down and read the comments after this one, they’re pretty darn funny as well!)
* “Another Geek If List”:http://www.katscratch.com/aMEWsments/mews23.html (I either identify with or resemble a lot of these remarks! It has it’s stupid ones, but the good ones far outweigh. I can’t pick a favorite, but I do like, “if you just don’t have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday”, since I don’t have the “heart” to throw out just about anything, but especially something that you can still do something with, whether that’s actually useful or not…also, the last quiz has this one, too, but a couple of times I’ve done this: “if, when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers’ questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head”. (See? This list doesn’t put periods at the end of it’s bullet-points, so I couldn’t quote it!) Also, I did this on the missions trip to Holland, which was the last time I flew: “if you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment”. Also, I’ve never been to an airshow, but for “if you are at an airshow and know how fast the skydivers are falling” I’d have to venture that the velocity would be equal to 9.8 m/sec^2^ times the number of seconds since falling, up to of course the person’s “terminal”:http://www.pha.jhu.edu/~broholm/l10/node5.html “velocity”:http://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/K-12/airplane/termv.html which appears to be around 200mph for an average person. Of course the terminal velocity lowers quite a bit once a parachute comes into play, which is the whole reason those things work in the first place.) Actually there are so many good ones here I have to list a few more (keep in mind these mostly apply to me, but it’s not an exaustive list of those that apply to me!):
** if you can type 70 words a minute but can’t read your own handwriting
** if your favorite James Bond character is “Q”, the guy who makes the gadgets
** if you thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers
** if you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn’t get enough sleep
** if you know what http:// stands for [HyperText Transfer Protocol…duh!]
** if you order pizza over the Internet and pay for it through your home banking software [“Pizza Hut”:http://www.pizzahut.com has a good online ordering system!]
** if your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory [I don’t have a son but when I do, I will!]
** if you’ve already calculated how much you make per second ]actually I hadn’t but I just did…not going to post it here, but it’s between $0.003 and $0.005 :-]
** if the blinking 12:00 on someone’s VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it
* “Star Trek Geek If…”:http://members.tripod.com/~learnb/recdeck/geeksign.htm (No I’m not at this level…mostly… :-)

nerd:
* “redneck ripoffs“:http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~garthman/humor.html (The link to “You might be a nerd if…” on this page is good, but also see the story thingy at the bottom. I didn’t even read the whole “nerd if” thingy so I can go to bed, much less the story, but it’s quite interesting (see the Disclaimer page) to see the style it’s written in.)
* “You Might Be A Nerd If…“:http://www.jokechallenge.com/lists/nerd.html

Okay as much as I’ve gone on, I almost could have watched that Alias I was putting off because it was too long. Grrr. Oh well going to bed now! BTW(By The Way), you might be a geek, nerd, and/or librarian if you write blog entries like this, or for that matter read (and mostly understand) them!